Bonus Post

Don’t Worry. This Isn’t Political.

Given the recent events, with President Trump being shot, an innocent man murdered, and two other bystanders severely injured, I need to talk about bullying. I wasn’t sure where to post my (apolitical) views. My substack page is meant to help people feel good and to promote books for kids. However, since it is parents, mostly moms, who are doing the purchasing, I figured that here would be the best forum. Before I continue, I promise two things - I don’t care about your politics and my views are probably quite different from what you’re going to hear on the news.

Already, someone who knew the shooter talked about how he was bullied at school. My fear is that there is going to be another huge, nationwide anti-bullying campaign. Why would I fear that? The main reason is that I know it won’t work. There will always be bullying in schools. The other reason is that it will in all likelihood be used to victimize another generation of young boys in a systemic way. I need to be clear here. I’m not advocating for the protection of bullies. I am merely suggesting that the behavior of young males is often times grossly misunderstood in psychological and sociological circles.

Okay, here goes. Whenever you hear about someone going crazy and doing something horrific in nature, you inevitably find out that person was bullied in school. The usual scenario is that the bullying drove that person to snap or whatever. In my experience working with kids, and I have a lot of it, this is not necessarily the case. In other words, I’ve come to the suspicion that the aforementioned bullying is not the cause, and others should not be blamed or made to feel responsible for the actions of a deranged monster. In fact, I suspect that the bullying took place because others subconsciously sensed the derangement early on and reacted to it.

Before I continue, my previous statement does not justify the actions of bullies in schools. Their behavior must be stopped for everyone’s sake, including their own.

In general, what’s going on with young males is a push-and-shove pattern that tests for trust. Is this guy trustworthy? Can we depend on him if something happens? This is a deep rooted psychological behavior that will never go away, and shouldn’t. It’s necessary for survival. When a kid overreacts or reacts strangely, the pattern often escalates. Yes, that’s when intervention is necessary, but it’s not the time to categorize bullies as monsters. Moreover, it’s not a case of monsters making more monsters out of heir victims.

Mothers, your boys may have been a bully in school. They may have done something wrong. But they are still children, and they are good people. Likewise, your boys may have been bullied. That doesn’t mean they will become monsters. It’s a part of life, and it is something that needs to be handled with compassion and common sense.